meet me or not, i'm out of control
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
