If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize