We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
