just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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