Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
