giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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