I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have aggressive nipples.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize