pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
