i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
