Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
