ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
