It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
