I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
