Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
