so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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