So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
