you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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