Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
