the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize