I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
