Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
