I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
