i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
