My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
