The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
