closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
