Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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