We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
