im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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