how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize