I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
