Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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