I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
