So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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