So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize