UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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