He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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