Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
