im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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