my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize
