My friends, they love my intelligence
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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