can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
