Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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