Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
