I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize