That's when you crack a 10am beer
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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