I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
