And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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