And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
