Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I love you. Go after that dick
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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