Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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