There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
