Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
