I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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