Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
