so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
