i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
