it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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