It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
