i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
