great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
