i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
