You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
