hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
