I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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