i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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