I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
