the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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