If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
